sleep shopping

"cannn iiiiii get some help overrrr herrrre?"

I turn around and she is so close that our sleeves are touching,prompting me to wonder where "over here" is? I also notice that she hasn't run a comb through her hair since last week and is carrying a $10,000. Hermes handbag.I'm just sayin'.

She talks in a breathy,slow,druggy voice.

"Do you have any kitchen rugs? My husband and I need a kitchen rug. We need something nice to walk on." (I suppose she means besides the live in help.)

"Well,we have these handknotted wool rugs,which are beautiful in a traditional or eclectic home."

"NNNNNNoooooo,we have modern. Everything is black and silver and gray. It's very colllllld,you know?" (I suppose she means just like her husband is,gray and cold.)

"Okay,well,we have these graphic polypropelene rugs that are modern."

"Whhhhhaaaattt? What is polypropeleeeeeennnnneeee????"

"It's a plastic and they dye it and weave it into rugs. It's great for outdoors or a kitchen because well,it's plastic,you can wipe it off with a damp sponge."(note,you would not believe how many times in my career I have uttered that exact sentence,you can wipe it off with a damp sponge. more on that later.)

"But can you walk on it?"

Yes! They are called rugs! We are selling them as rugs! It is on the floor in front of you right now!!!!! Just like a rug!!! Are you awake? Are you sleep shopping?

"Yes,you can walk on it."

"Is that weird?" (what a bothersome question that is.It's subjective. If you think it's weird then it is.I once had a woman who was handling a fabric with her hands ask me,"Is this soft?")

"No it's not weird."

"But it's plastic."

If it's good enough to name your favorite surgery after,then it's good enough for your precious feet.