Number One and Number Two

"Have a seat.You are aware of how busy the holidays are in retail. I just want to remind you about our corporate break policies."

He is sitting at a computer that is against the wall. I am standing behind him. He does not turn around as he talks to me. I am forced to look at the back of his head as his body language says one of two things,
 No.1) I am intimidated or, No.2) I am intimidating.

I wedge myself between the desk to his left and the side of his head.
"Um, I can't really hear you when you talk to me like that."
He still doesn't turn around but I guess the side of his head is as good as it's gonna get.
"Have a seat and shut the door."
I do.
He is holding a printed copy of an email that he has highlighted. I try not to show that I have already started laughing on the inside.

"In the future please try get everything done,that you need to get done, on your lunch break."

"OK"

"So, today,you punched back in from lunch,and THEN went to the bathroom."

(NUH UNH, he did not just say that.)

"Please try to time your bathroom breaks with your lunch breaks."

"Um, we don't have to punch out to use the rest room. We get paid for restroom breaks."

He gets a little flustered now.

"You know what I mean. (I don't) Just now you punched back in from lunch and then used the restroom."

"Yeah,um, I can't really predict my bladders' behavior."

" If I were you, and I knew I was going on my lunch break, I would visit the restroom then."

"Uh huh....."

"You're not in trouble or anything. You're not getting written up."

"Ok,thanks."

"Great,now go sell something!!"