Monday, December 20, 2010

A Cup and a Half of Entitlement

Ring Ring.

" Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah,this is _____, "

"Yes,this is Ina gartens' assistant calling. I am with Ina,we are in the neighborhood of the store and she would like to come in and do a little shopping."


"Here's the thing,Ina isn't in to crowds. is it really busy?"

"Yes,it's pretty busy,Christmas shopping is in full swing."

"Riiggghhhttt. What we would like to do is have oe of your employees meet Ina at her car and sort of clear a path for her to get in to the store and then shield her as she shops."

"Uh huh. Well,it is pretty busy,I don't know if we can spare an employee to be a bodyguard but let me put you on with a manager.Please hold."

Entitlement.Pure and simple.Baking in a 350 degree oven until it is soft a mushy and spineless in the middle and has a hard burnt crispy crust that Ina thinks deserves a private shopping experience in one of the busiest stores in NYC during the busiest weeks of the year.

Um, you are a chubby middle aged chef. A cook. You are not Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber. You will not draw throngs of other chubby middle aged chef and chef fans/enthusiasts that will swarm around you,blocking your view of the spatulas. You will not.
Last week Natalie Portman was in the store,by herself,for two hours. Nobody bothered her. Nobody said a peep. (I watched her from a secret vantage point for about 30 minutes. It felt creepy and was the highlight of my boring day selling towels.) I felt it was a private blessing bestowed on me by a very jewish God cause it was the first day of Channukah and I was watching the worlds' most beautiful Jew.

So, No,Ina,we will not provide you with a private bodyguard that we will pay all of of $12 an hour to,before he goes back to his regular job of stocking the shelves of cheese graters.You are a multi millionaire. Get your own body guard. You are a rich woman. You make a really nice bread pudding. But you are rather boring and in no world in the universe are people swarming  you in giant tv chef frenzied crowds. Sorry babe.

 She never showed.

1 comment:

  1. I'm guessing she didn't get the private bodyguard? This is definitely the wrong time of year to shop if you don't like crowds. I might suggest she go online instead.