Hi Blog Reader! Happy New Year! Or,as I have also heard, Happy new Years! This is a classic email from a customer who is so happy to have latched on to me as his personal shopper. He is a lawyer. Neat!
Marianne--
Other than a brief conversation with Jennifer, I do not know anything about her, therefore I am addressing this to you. The credit for $378.12 is total BS. What happened to the $440.00 you actually owe me (as quoted me by Elizabeth)? Not only did I have to wait an inordinate amount of time for something as simple as sheets, but you still are trying to steal from me. I am almost 59 years old and have never done business with people as incompetent as your group. Also, I have already looked at the order for the duvet inserts and I have been overcharged for those. The 10% discount is nowhere in sight and you are charging me $53.00 to ship 5 pounds of fluff, not to mention the fact that it won't even ship until August 2.
If you insist on trying to cheat me, I will deny all charges on my current credit card bill and will also file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission. In addition, the U.S. Attorney in Oxford for the Northern District of Mississippi is a personal friend of mine. If necessary, I will also file mail fraud charges against your company.
I have been extremely patient, but this is the final straw. You need to give me the proper credit and get the duvet inserts to me before the end of the week or I will be forced to resort to extreme measures. I am tired of the BS excuses. Your company needs to learn how to do business in the appropriate manner or suffer the consequences. Also, Elizabeth never called me back, in spite of the fact you told me earlier this afternoon that she would. I guess that real customer service is no longer important to your company. If I told one of my clients I would call them back and did not, I would no longer have that client. It would behoove you to call me as soon as you get in tomorrow to resolve this problem.
Sincerely yours,
Jack Mc
lol.
ReplyDeleteshould have wrote back:
"SORRY. WHAT'S BEHOOVE MEAN? PLEESE GET BACK TO ME OR I WILL SUE YOUTOO."
Behoove-To shod,to place or set hooves upon.Behoove.
ReplyDeleteBehoove-to stay within the realms of proper and polite conduct as in "Ain't misbehoovin".
Dear Jack,
ReplyDeleteYou are so articulate, clearly no fool to be trifled with. "Congrats" on the assholery you manage to pack into every word of your bourgeois lament. Incidentally, we have found a fundamental fault with your calculations. Please see "where you went wrong" below:
1 + 1 = FUCK YOU
Banality, I know thy name—and it is McJerkoff.
Maryanne: You salvaged a shard of contemporary poetry. Rewrite with arbitrary line endings, and voilà: an epic that would make pencil-neck Homer shake in his sandals.
dearest ron,
ReplyDeletemr. mcjerkoff called me just the other day and asked me if i knew how to get mascara out of pillowcases. i told him to wash his nancy face before going to bed. (really,he has some strange perverted need to share information related to his sex life with me. i think it is because he resembles the pig from the cover of my old paperback copy of animal farm and only his money gets him laid)in a word,EW.