Tuesday, July 14, 2009

crazy customer numbers one and two

I work in retail sales for a national furniture retailer.

But before this,i worked in retail sales for a national furniture retailer.

I got a bit derailed after what looked to be a promising start in designing for a different national retailer.
My work can get overwhelmingly boring,standing up for 8 hours,bearing the heavy weight of a nametag(by the end of the day i swear that thing weighs 50 lbs),fighting coworkers for the occasional phonecall and doing my best to muster up a happy attitude to throw at customers.
This blog will serve as a place for me to voice my frustrations with the boredom,the bad service behind the scenes and most of all,the blessedly crazy making nyc customers.

Crazy customer number one was a tall elegant gentleman in his 60's. We walked the shop together as he tried to find some beautiful objects to place on his mantel. I showed him the rock crystals,that sell for $1500 and are laden down with streams of hot glue from a craft gun.( it's embarrasing to try to sell this,"no,you romance the product,dammit!" is what I want to say to whomever in the corporate office may be expecting me to do just that.)after a few minutes of walking around with me underneath his height, my arms crossed because I felt uncomfortable with the silences,we ended up looking at some crystal obelisks.I suggested he place one on each end,cause that's where everyone in the world puts obelisks.He said,"Oh no, the objects need to be low,i don't want them to block the electric laser eyes that raise and lower the painting and the television.Do you know what I mean?" Do I know what you mean?Um ,no, sir, I have NO IDEA what you mean.I am wearing a name tag for Christs sake. I have never even seen a laser eye,well,maybe in a James Bond movie or a subway ad for lasik surgery,but aside from that my ability to relate to this particular decorating dillema was severly limited.I did not make a sale. So I did not,as they say on my selling floor"sell sell sell!"


  1. You forgot to mention the rug he didn't want b/c it interfered with the trap door to the shark tank.

    Also, and this is important: I am chomping at the but to read about crazy customer number two, yet there is no mention of said customer in this post, despite the title "crazy customer numbers one and two." Is this some shameless marketing trick designed to lure in readers?

  2. Correction: I am not "chomping at the but," although some may feel differently. I am "chomping at the bit."